Ulterior
by brightened
Summary: Karate Kid: Miyagi/Daniel.


A/N: I like to put notes at the end of a chapter, usually, but I figure here they're best put up front. Feel free to skip and come back.

I hate writing Mr. Miyagi's speech. It just sounds so ridiculous to the point of comedic effect. But having him speak good/perfect English doesn't work either. So I read the screenplay a couple of times and tried my best to imitate that.

Also it's pretty much impossible (at least for my limited skill) to have a 60 year old dude and 19 year old kid get together in 3000 words. So yeah it probably won't be believable. I tried my best though, and feel free to tell me how to improve. I'm not against editing.

* * *

**Part One of Two**

Daniel LaRusso is not a fag. Daniel LaRusso is not a fag. Not not not not not not not not a fag. Daniel LaRusso is the ex-boyfriend of Ali Mills, the hottest girl in the hottest sorority. The girl he learned karate for. The girl with the soft smile and softer hair. Um yeah. Even in his head this sounds weak and Daniel knows it won't stand up to anyone, least of all the scrawny freshman who just walked in on him entangled with a blond senior. Blond Senior, as Daniel has so creatively called him inside his head. They'd agreed not to exchange names, although Daniel knows he is popular enough to be recognized. _Was_ popular at their community college because he disbanded Cobra Kai and dated Ali. He likes to think his ability to fight works in his favor, but a faggot karate kid does no one any good.

He needs to stop using that word. It's not okay to call himself that. To call Blond Senior that. And the freshman still stands in the doorway, hand draped loosely over the doorknob. What was in this room that anyone would come in for? Some techy thing. TVs or projectors or nothing Daniel cares about when he's going to be outed in a couple of hours.

"Hey, listen," he says but now that he's spoken, the freshman bolts out. Blond Senior, who leapt away when the door opened, shifts an inch closer to Daniel.

"Well, if we're already going to be outed. My name's Raymond," he says, smiles a little bit and suddenly Daniel is not attracted to him at all. At least not now, when he's torn between puking and punching the wall. He's gotten better at handling his emotions, really, but not in such a big instance like this. Would his mom find out? Probably. Some busybody helicopter parent would probably hear and call her. Tell her how wicked and devilish her son is. Daniel can handle the kids at school because he can fight them and he can avoid them but he knows he won't be able to handle his mom.

"Daniel," he says, minutes too late. "Look, I gotta go." He wants to say something comforting but he has no intention of ever getting near Raymond again. So he reaches out and presses a hand onto Raymond's stomach and says, "Let me know if anyone harasses you, okay?" Then leaves but not fast enough to miss the way Raymond's smile drops off his face. Daniel feels so damn bad for doing that to him but there's no alternative. Not right now. Maybe later.

It's really not _being_ gay that bothers Daniel. He's gay. He likes men. The end. That's alright. The problem is everyone else doesn't like him being gay. Not everyone else. California has its own areas of concentrated homosexuality that, by now, Daniel knows very well. And when he'd come out to Ali, she'd been more upset that she loved a man she could never have than the fact he was gay. After weeks of apologizing and stilted conversations, they'd become friends. Good friends. She hadn't outed him and that was enough for Daniel to trust her implicitly. With facts. Not with emotions. Emotions were still hard to talk about with anyone except Miyagi.

So that's where he goes, drives the hour or so journey to Miyagi's house, lets himself in, and flops down on the couch. It takes him a few seconds to draw up the words and during that time Miyagi just looks at him. His mentor, drinking tea, acting as if a 19 year old kid hasn't just stormed in unannounced. If he cares, he says nothing, just keeps sipping and sipping. And now:

"I'm gay," he says. Daniel doesn't miss the fact that Miyagi's hands clench on his tea cup, turn white. The brim is kept up against his lip and his eyes are kept downcast. Daniel wants to make him look up, look him in the eye, because his shock is visible and Daniel didn't expect this at all.

"How you know?" he says, finally, and sets the cup down with too-careful gentleness. His tone is perfectly normal but still. That immediate reaction was too upsetting to just let it go.

"I dunno. That's not the problem. The problem is I was, uh, with a guy and some other guy walked in on us and now I am _fucked_," Daniel says. He doesn't normally swear anymore, especially not in front of Miyagi, but he wants to take the focus off his homosexuality (if that's what's causing this awkwardness) and onto his problem.

"How is this problem? Daniel-san know how to take care of self," he says. Unhelpfully. Daniel snorts.

"Yeah, I can fight if I have to, but isn't the whole point we don't want to? I know I don't want to. And I don't want to have to be stared at and whispered about, either."

"Should have thought of that first," Miyagi says, matter-of-factly, almost coldly. His fingers rest lightly on the mouth of his tea cup. Forced lightness, like he wants to grab and clench and squeeze but won't. Daniel's not really sure why but he wants Miyagi to be okay with him. He wants to _know_ that Miyagi is okay with him. So he reaches out and grabs Miyagi's hands, squeezes them gently in his own. Miyagi's fingers are thin, fragile in Daniel's hands, skin stretched tight across the bones. There is one second, maybe two, where they just stare. Then Miyagi jerks his hand back and stands up. "Tired," he announces and walks away into his bedroom. Daniel could follow. He thinks about it. Instead he gets up and leaves.

* * *

The drive home sucks. The next day in class sucks. Raymond calling him and inviting him over for a quickie does not suck. It's actually nice to be able to talk a little afterward and not try to upkeep a facade of having no idea who the other person is. Daniel learns he's Raymond's first guy and he's not sure whether that's amusing or terrible. For Raymond. Probably amusing because Raymond hid it damn well. But Daniel makes it clear he doesn't want a relationship and that's that.

He spends a whole week in this stretched, miserable state just waiting for someone to make a move. No one does. Yeah, there are whispers. Yeah, there are dirty/revolted/horrified/amused looks thrown his way. Once he interrupts a kid on the verge of punching Raymond. Interrupts with words, of course. It hadn't escalated to the need for violence yet and Daniel is hopeful it never will.

Mostly this is because Daniel doesn't feel like doing karate anymore. He'd practiced every day for three years and now, every time he starts stretching, it hurts. "It" being his soul, or his heart, or something equally emotional that Miyagi took up a huge part of. Now it was damaged from the rejection. From the look of absolute disgust and loathing in Miyagi's face just from touching Daniel. Just because he'd touched the fingers of a gay man. He's old. He's set in his ways. That makes it equally easier to forgive and harder to stand because there's no changing it. Daniel will just have to not talk about it with Miyagi. Easier said.

The second Saturday after Daniel's less than favorable coming out, he drives back to Miyagi's house. He's determined to talk things out, to make it clear he's not going to push his gayness on anyone, least of all Miyagi. Miyagi, who goes and sits on the couch after opening the door. The door Daniel knocked on to show respect, or something. He has a key to this house and in one moment he's reduced to knocking. Not that Miyagi asked him to, but he also doesn't reprimand Daniel for acting like a guest. Goddamn this hurts.

"So is this it?" Daniel asks, hands jammed in his pockets, pulling at the inside seams and staring at Miyagi. "I'm gay and suddenly it's not okay to be my. To talk to me." Nice stumble at the end there, chief. Make him think you're lusting after him with the pause and the my and the obvious avoidance. Don't homophobes think that without screw ups?

"Not problem you. Problem me," Miyagi says, after a long pause of looking down at his hands. "My fault."

"What? How is it your fault that I'm gay? That doesn't even make sense," Daniel says.

"Since young, have feelings for other men. Try ignore them. Marry wife, hope go away. Don't. Have affair with man. When wife and child die, feel like being punished. Never touched another man, mostly never felt anything for them either," he says. Well okay. Cheating on your wife is not really a good thing to do. But Daniel is not going to give Miyagi a lecture about morals, especially now but probably not ever. He wants to say that it's okay, that times were different when he was Daniel's age but now it's alright, and being around a gay person doesn't make you gay. What comes out is infinitely less intelligent.

"Mostly?" he asks and smiles cause he's (stupidly) teasing Miyagi. "Who do you have the hots for?"

"You only person Miyagi know." And to that, Daniel has no idea how to answer. He's never considered the idea, never gotten anything close to romantic feelings for Miyagi. It was just not a possibility. His immediate reaction is, honestly, disgust. Miyagi's in his 60s. Daniel is 19. Never mind how Daniel feels, isn't that basically pedophilia on his mentor's part? Okay. Ignore that for now. Come back to it. Miyagi is in shape, though, so it's not as if he's a saggy mess of old person. Oh Jesus. Daniel doesn't even want to think about this and at the same time he doesn't want to hurt Miyagi. Rejecting him definitely would.

As all this churns in Daniel's mind, Miyagi stands and picks up a suitcase off the floor. A suitcase? "Are you leaving? Moving away, I mean?" Daniel asks, and despite what he's just learned, his stomach twists painfully at the idea. No, he can't move. Leave.

"Now you know, it for the best," Miyagi says. "Knew would only be matter of time."

"You can't go!" Daniel says. Cries the words out, really, because his heart is now trying to beat itself free of his chest and his stomach is clenched so tight it hurts. This feeling, all the feelings associated with Miyagi leaving, are a million times worse than any initial revulsion felt at Miyagi's confession. So Daniel knows he's not really attracted to Miyagi but he also knows if he doesn't do something, his best friend, his mentor, his support, will be gone. "I need you," he says, and surprises himself by speaking in a whisper.

"No say such things," Miyagi says harshly. He's turned away and Daniel can only see his back, stooped lightly from old age. And reaches out a hand to touch Miyagi, fingers first, sliding out from his neck until they're about to fall off his shoulder, then glides his hand back up and clamps down on the bony shoulder.

"I need you," he says again, swallowing to try and calm his rapidly beating heart. He pulls on Miyagi's shoulder until the old man has turned around and is looking Daniel directly in his eyes.

"I'm going," he says but there's no determination in his voice, only mild fear and regret. Daniel steps closer, intending to kiss him, intending to do anything to make him stay. Miyagi stops him with one hand pressed flat against Daniel's chest. "No."

"I thought you said-"

"Did," Miyagi says and moves over to the opposite side of the room, still holding onto that damned suitcase. "Not physical for me. Can't do this then go."

"Then don't! Stay. Stay with me," Daniel says, knowing he's agreeing to a relationship without actually voicing that promise, knowing and finding he doesn't care. If anything, he feels...excited. Curious. What would it be like to be Miyagi's boyfriend? No, they wouldn't use that word. Lover? Boy toy? The fact that he can laugh about it right now makes him less worried about his future. Their future? Maybe.

This time when he steps up, Miyagi doesn't stop him or move away. So of course Daniel loses his nerve. He manages to put his arms around Miyagi but instead of kissing him he puts his head down on Miyagi's shoulders. Which is a little uncomfortable because Daniel's height advantage but also surprisingly nice, especially when Miyagi brings up his hands and rubs slow, tentative circles on Daniel's back. Daniel relaxes into those hands and wonders how often, or how long, Miyagi has dreamed of doing this. Something like this. Which makes him wonder how far those dreams have gone but Daniel, although not a virgin and definitely not a prude, knows they won't be getting very far today. He's still trying to work up the courage to kiss.

He can't. Doesn't. They stand together until Daniel's neck and shoulders hurt from bending his head, and then they move to the couch. It's kept to nice, gentle touches on his back, shoulders, chest, and he finds this is alright. Miyagi is happy. Miyagi is staying. It's much much better than alright.

Daniel leaves when he gets hungry, not wanting to deal with food and talking and pleasantries right now. At least not with Miyagi. He goes through a McDonalds near his house and it's not until he tries to eat a fry that he realizes he's been stupidly grinning the whole drive home.

* * *

Over the weekend, Daniel forgets he was outed. Monday there is a sharp, painful reminder in the form of pink sticky notes covering his dorm door. A homophobic slur is written on each one. Daniel stands in the hallway for a long time and then decides to leave them on for a janitor to clean up. They don't bother him enough to waste his time. Or to bring him down from his jittery high. That lasts through the week, up until the moment when he enters Miyagi's house, this time without knocking. His stomach burns with anxiety and he's so strongly tempted to just turn and drive away and never come back. What if Miyagi's decided to leave? What if he's not really interested in Daniel after all? What if it was some sort of karate test?

He finds Miyagi sitting on the floor, playing Sudoku. Miyagi looks up when Daniel enters and slowly lowers the book. Daniel can see the apology about to be issued, the request to forget the whole thing. Before those words can come out, Daniel does this kind of awkward falling down leap to get on the ground next to Miyagi and then he hugs the older man tightly.

"I missed you," he says. It's true. It's not really an indication that Daniel is starting to develop his own feelings. Is he? That question is too big. It's easier to feel like he's doing it to make Miyagi not leave. That way, everything he does feels like one big dare, one big contest to push himself as far as possible. While enjoying. While not enjoying, that is. Except clearly Daniel does, because of how often he's smiled at nothing this week and the warm charges thudding through his chest at seeing Miyagi again.

There's an hour of, well, cuddling, Daniel supposed, before he takes Miyagi's face in his hands and kisses him. Just once, just the barest touch of lips. He likes being in control, knowing Miyagi is willing to go Daniel's pace, although he thinks afterward maybe he should have asked first. The response is one hand snaking down and squeezing his knee. His knee being the bottom of his thigh, basically, and Daniel is not expecting that to feel so sexual or so good. For a second, he tells himself to not get so turned on, that it's gross. But that's the point, isn't it? Maybe not the point but definitely an expected consequence. Reaction. Words fail him right now.

Daniel stays for dinner and intends to leave afterward, but then he remembers a new karate move he heard about and they work on that for a while, then Daniel showers because he's thoroughly sweaty, and when he comes out he's too tired to drive home. He changes into the pajamas he's had at Miyagi's house forever, which are little small on him but that's okay. It doesn't even occur to Daniel that he should ask permission if he could stay, so he's a little more than touched when he walks out of the bathroom and sees Miyagi has already set up the couch. Touched because he didn't have to ask and also because he's not being forced into sharing a bed. Not that Miyagi would do that. He's not a greedy pervert. Most likely. No, he is definitely not, and thinking anything different makes Daniel hot with shame.

But as he settles down on the couch, he starts to consider the age difference. Really, he just wonders how long Miyagi has found him attractive. Even at 19, 16-year-olds look freakishly young, and he could never date one. He likes to think he hadn't been a typical teenager, but he still looked the part. Well, okay. He played the part too with temper tantrums and other emotional outbursts. So then. Being 60 something and liking a 16 year old was gross, wasn't it? Maybe. Did it matter? Daniel knew it didn't. He was committed to Miyagi now, by his own choice. No matter how innocent or convoluted the attraction Miyagi had for him was, he was going to deal with it. Live with it.

Around midnight, unable to sleep, Daniel goes into Miyagi's room and slides under the covers. He's surprised, but not altogether bothered, to find the older man in just his underwear. Miyagi wakes up when Daniel presses a hand against his face, and as soon as his eyes open Daniel kisses him. He had figured, laying down and stuck with just his thoughts, it'll be better to go fast. Just get everything out of the way. Miyagi doesn't stop him when he goes beneath cloth and they are both all tongues and fingers until Miyagi stops them.

"Sleep," he says, kindly, puts a hand on Daniel's forearm, and then does exactly what he advised. Daniel stays awake, watches him, inexplicably scared about letting him out of his sight.

* * *

Daniel plans to drive back to Miyagi on Saturday. On Friday, he learns through his mother that Miyagi's dead. Died. Had suffered from anemia for years and it caught up with him in the form of cardiac arrest. Daniel hangs up without a goodbye and gets in his car, drives, has to drive to make sure. There are two people in Miyagi's house, sorting through his things. They stop when they see Daniel, though.

"Can we help you, kid?" the fatter one asks. His tone is not unkind. Probably because he didn't expect to have a teenager barge into this lonely old man's house, crying, wild-eyed, angry.

"Who are you?" Daniel demands, and he's so close to beating them up just for existing, just for being in Miyagi's house. He could do it. He could do anything to them. His heart pounds hard, nothing like how it had when he was nervous around Miyagi. Miyagi. He forces himself to breathe, to calm down, to avoid feeling the exact thing he was always told not to feel.

"We're Mr. Miyagi's attorneys," this is the fat one again, and how he extends pudgy fingers. "Sam Wilson. This is my associate, Paul Cohen." Daniel doesn't shake his hand. He's too busy dragging his sleeve across his nose, sniffling, trying not to breakdown in front of them. Miyagi's lawyers. Come to take all his stuff.

"Daniel LaRusso," he says, though, because he can manage his name. Paul whistles and Sam smiles.

"You're Daniel? Well let me tell you, kid, you're rich. He left you everything," Sam says. Wilson because that fucker doesn't deserve a first name when he thinks money and objects can erase the fact that Miyagi is gone. Dead. Gone. He said he wouldn't leave. Daniel kissed him, almost fucked him, so he wouldn't leave. So he would stay. Fuck. Fuck.

"Of course he left me everything! He left me!" Daniel says, sobs, voice breaking, and knows he's not making sense. So he turns and punches through the wall, a clean hole that leaves his knuckles scraped raw and bleeding and coated in a layer of white powder. It doesn't matter. He doesn't feel it. Doesn't feel anything except the lack of Miyagi in his life. Gone gone gone fucking gone. "If this house is mine, get out! You're trespassing." He knew that was wrong. It wasn't his yet. But apparently the lawyers either understand his fragile emotional state or just want to get the hell out, because they accept the invitation to leave.

To leave Daniel to sink into the couch. Had Miyagi died here? On the floor? In the kitchen? Had he thought of Daniel? Was there time to do that? And he'd known his friend was old but not that old, never that old. Why now? Why just when their relationship had evolved? And only for two fucking Saturday. He should have spent every second with him, should have skipped all his classes and blown off everyone and everything except Miyagi. Too late. He left. Died. No reason to use euphemisms.

All Daniel can see when he closes his eyes is Miyagi. Miyagi presenting his fixed bike, teaching him to prune bonzai trees, helping him apply for college, taking him to Okinawa. Then just two weeks ago, putting a hand against his chest, stopping him, his bald head shiny but Daniel doesn't mind. Daniel never got to touch the top of his head, or to kiss his back, and then the obvious thing he didn't get to do which wasn't a big deal except for the fact he _never_ would be able to. There was a lot of that stuff, things they could've done together, maybe had planned, but never did.

And now this.


End file.
